what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
