We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
