you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
