sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
