if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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