You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
