He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Randomize
