hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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