My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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