I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
