Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
