Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can I color on your dick again?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
