make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
