I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
