guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
