I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
