next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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