I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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