I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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