She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
