Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
