Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm too high and old for this...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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