omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
