Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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