Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
