Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
