pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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