where does the pee come out of this thing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
