if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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