remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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