no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
