Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
