Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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