It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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