I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this boner is exhausting
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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