I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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