I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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