Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
