i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
