I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
