Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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