1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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