I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
