Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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