blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The air was thick with penises
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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