people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
