Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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