There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
