So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
