Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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