Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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