First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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