Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
