I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
