do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
