I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
