literally had 100 drinks last night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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