yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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