you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
