I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
