I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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