I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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