Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
