Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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