I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You may now shotgun with the bride
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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