You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
