Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I touched a dick in church today
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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