he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
