I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
