I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
