Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
